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Our friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends disappeared at that point, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, probably grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few close to her vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us retired leading to more time together, but I am finding my position between us is to listen. I start subjects and she changes the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. My intention was to provide advice, however, my input unappreciated. She purely solely sought validation of her plans. I've just returned from 30 days in that place she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she will ever understand the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. Finally is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't release since their identity relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out like this before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.