Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

TV's top comedians spent their evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan which enables international individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. An official page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.